im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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