You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
