Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
