oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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