I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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