The maid of honor just puked.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
