oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
