Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
