A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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