Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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