I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
