that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
