Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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