chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
