I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
