I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
