Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
