I think i peed on brittanys purse
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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