The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
