I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize