Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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