I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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