I looked at my own cervix.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit