shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.