Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok