I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.