Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.