i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.