he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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