hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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