You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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