eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
