I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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