And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
