I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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