At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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