yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
