My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Found your dick twin last night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
