I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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