"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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