I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
