Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
