So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
