Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
