i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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