I faked an abortion last night.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Drunk is not a location!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
