Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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