We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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