did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize