wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is classic penis vs brain.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
