What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The power of my boobs compel you
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
