Fine. I'll sleep in my office
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
