About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
