you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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