Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
