Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
