He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You smell like a Billy Joel song
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Its guy fieris flavor town of sufferingâ„¢
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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