The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
