He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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