I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
