at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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