I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
