oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
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and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?