one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
