Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
