I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
