I want to have your abortion
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
