My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That accounts for only three of the penises
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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