He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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