WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
