and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
