I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
