About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
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He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
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I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.