You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.