Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
