A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym