Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.