Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
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so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants