So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
