He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
