ugly people sure do ruin things
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
