cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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