omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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