we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
