after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
