theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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