So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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