Screwed.edu
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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